Toby&Fred: The Saga
by Amber Moon
Summary: This is really amusing, or it was late at night when Kathryn and I were bored and I asked Kathryn to tell me a story. Then the this was born...damn...


Title: Toby & Fred: The Saga  
  
Authors: Kathy and Kathryn  
  
Rated: PG (please, if you have a problem with rabid boars, do not read and leave immediately!)  
  
Disclaimers: We own everybody, tough luck Toby, tough luck, so don't use without permission!  
  
Once upon a time there was a feather that was purple and pink and sparkly. Its name was Toby. Its mother's name was Fred. Toby was a bisexual feather (there's no fun in being asexual and he wanted both of two worlds and converted to bisexuality).  
  
One day, Toby was eating deviled eggs. Toby said "Hey! I like deviled eggs."  
  
And Fred said "What a coincidence! I do too!" Fred pointed at the goopy egg and asked, "Can I own a small amount of your egg?"  
  
But Toby wasn't willing to share; instead, Toby said "You can't own any of my deviled eggs!"  
  
And Fred replied angrily, "That's out of control!"  
  
Toby offered a deviled egg in shame but Fred said fiercely, "Nope! I don't want a deviled egg anymore. I want…an egg with syrup!"  
  
And Toby said "You shouldn't eat green candles because green wax is poisonous."  
  
And Fred exclaimed fiercely, "What in the ham hills are you talking about? That's fierce! I only want to own an egg with syrup, not green candles!"  
  
And Toby said "If you wear your retainer 24/7, your braces won't last as long!"  
  
But Fred said, "Damn, I can't eat any eggs because they'd get stuck in my brackets!"  
  
Toby stuffed all of his/her/its remaining deviled eggs into his mouth at once and said "Frafrraarr brma!"  
  
Then the phone rang. It was the Poison Control Center. And they told Toby and Fred that the eggs they had bought(en) had been produced by green wax eating chickens. Toby gasped and managed to choke on his/her/its deviled egg filled mouth. He /she/it had eaten all but the last one dozen eggs.  
  
Fred patted Toby on the back and said "Ipicac time!"  
  
Toby and Fred hurried to the bathroom and Toby sat miserably on the floor. Fred smiled at his/her/its son and said "Tough luck, Toby, tough luck." But after Toby had drunk the entire three quart Ipicac syrup, he noted that the expiration date had been surpassed by approximately 10 years, 12 days and 13 hours. Fred patted his/her/its son on the back and said "Tough luck, Toby, tough luck."  
  
Toby started hyperventilating. And his stomach was extremely bloated  
  
from drinking the three quart bottle of Ipicac syrup which was grossly  
  
outdated. Toby started foaming at the mouth. And Fred screamed "Rabies!  
  
Fierce!" and ran into the bedroom to get his/her/its shotgun.  
  
Fred aimed the shotgun at his/her/its son/daughter/thing but luckily, the shotgun was meant for squirrels and Fred couldn't hit the broad side of a bar ten feet away. Toby thanked Buddha for these two small facts.  
  
But Toby was still angry that his own mother/father/thing would try and kill him. Wiping the foam from his/her/its lips, he/she/it got up and staggered like a true drunken feather and found the rest of the poisoned eggs. Fred, having followed his/her/its son/daughter/thing, was taken by surprise when Toby began to wildly chuck the poisoned eggs at Fred.  
  
Fred slipped on the pile of jellybeans on the floor and fell on his/her/its feathery back and cried "Eggs with syrup! Eggs with syrup! If I'm gonna die, it has to be because of eggs with syrup!"  
  
So Toby gave his/her/its wish and began stuffing the eggs with syrup into Fred's mouth. Now that they were both poisoned without any sufficient Ipicac to be had, they decided it was time to go the local hootananny gas station and find some.  
  
They went to the gas station, Grand Union, Brooks and Aubochons but couldn't own any. So, in desperation, they drove to nearest dude ranch and when they found a dude, they screamed "Ipicac! Ipicac!"  
  
But that dude only had Pepto Bismol. So they went to the nearest neighbor, who happened to be a psychotic golfer, and they yelled for Ipicac. The neighbor chucked his four iron at them and began to hit golf balls fiercely and jumped up and down fiercely like a rabid boar.  
  
They ran away as fast as they could and went back to the Dude ranch and figured Pepto Bismol was better than nothing. Between the two of them, they drank five bottles and belched pink bubbles in relief. Toby turned to Fred and said "Never again, Fred, never again will I deny you deviled eggs."  
  
The End 


End file.
